Insert Coin(s)

Games arcades are designed to entice children, using bright lights and low quality electric sound that can only mean one thing: you can spend money here for enjoyment. I spent some of my childhood growing up in a seaside town littered with amusement arcades, along with shops and stalls selling rock and candyfloss, or mussels and eels. I was not immune to the siren call of the arcade machines either, and I spent a small fortune funding the life of many machines at the pier and other amusement venues. I was, however, immune to the fishy aroma of the fresh seafood stalls and simply refused to support their livelihoods.

Arcade games are fun. Back in the gaming prehistorics, when I was an avid player, you could spend an entire afternoon gaming with only one pound sterling. If you were to try that today, you would get one credit - and let's face it, the majority of us would balls that up inside five minutes if we were lucky. Classic games, even today, could last for a long time for someone with energy, skill, quick reactions and good hand-eye coordination. These are traits for youngsters and fighter pilots, and although I used to be one of these things, I am now neither. Yes, sadly Old Father Time has withered my mind and body, and gone are the speedy button pressing, stick waggling motions that would translate to character moves on the slightly convex CRT screen built in to the unit.

Frogger. This game was absolute in its ability to steal my money. Splat, splash, munch - the many deaths of the suburban frog, trying with all his will to make it across the busy road and to the other side of the logger's river. The idea itself was simple, and not once in my over-exuberant joy while playing as a child did I stop to think:

Crocodiles in the river, bright purple pavement. Must be Leeds.

Why are there five lanes of traffic on this road?
Why does each lane travel in alternating directions?
Who organised a lane for each type of vehicle?
Shouldn't the police stop these speeding motorists?
Are the loggers annoyed by the obvious boom in river-dwelling turtles?
Is nobody else nervous about the appearance of a frog-sized fly?
These are the questions that fill my [withered] mind today. I have said farewell to gaming naïvety, and embraced a far more cynical mindset (not just with games). So, Frogger is a classic, but it is something we can learn from. Let's make arcade games more realistic!

Dwarf on a pink wingless bird-thing. Must be Leeds.

Golden Axe. Ok, not realistic at all. A dwarf, an Amazon and a Barbarian travel across a fantasy world, killing skeletons and henchmen, while giving thieves a swift boot up the jacksie for nicking their potions. Of course, no fantasy world would be complete without a sea-going giant turtle (so giant, it has a village on its shell) and a ride on a giant eagle, not to mention fire breathing dragons that can be mounted. Magic, too, is abundant: each character has spells that can be cast, with greater effect depending on the number of potion bottles the player has accumulated.
This was one of my childhood favourites, and at 10p a go it did not break the bank. What young boy doesn't want to hack away at the undead with a battle axe, of broadsword?

Man wanted, reward $10. Guy worshipping a mullet. Must be Leeds.

Double Dragon. This was a game that just had to be played in two player mode, and for no other reason than you could win if you did. I was always teaming up with my sister to beat the hell out of some thugs, steal their knives and throw them at their boss. Then we would play Double Dragon to unwind.
The game revolves around two brothers, fighting an entire gang (but only a few at a time) and trying to save a damsel in distress, who is tied up in the gang's hideout. The true beauty of the game is in the ending, whereby the co-operating duo (after defeating hundreds of brutes together) are pitted against each other, the winner of this final showdown earning the [shallow] love of the kidnapped dame. This would create an emotion that was best suppressed when my sister would beat me, and apparently start a relationship with the girl whose affections I had sought to win.

I have loved all of these games, and part of me still loves them - I own all three as arcade games on Xbox 360. However, due to my inability to control my hands with the efficiency required to best such veteran games, I have not yet been successful in any of them - not without using 'continues', which in the arcade versions would have cost me a month's wage. Still, it is nice to take a stroll down memory lane - albeit with a stick of dynamite and a battle axe.